The toyboy trend is no surprise to the man who wrote the classic book on the subject.
Not that Stephen Vizinczey wrote the global bestseller In Praise of Older Women – which has sold over seven million copies since it was first published in 1965 – out of charity or condescension. No. He wrote it out of love: a love he still feels viscerally, more than 50 years after the book’s publication in Britain.
“I remember a friend who was a former alcoholic once saying to me: ‘From the moment I had my first sip of gin, I knew that alcohol was for me’,” smiles the 83-year-old, from the recesses of a velvet sofa in his Chelsea flat.
“Well, I feel that way about women. From the moment I first hugged a woman at the age of six, and buried my head in a woman’s breasts, I knew that was for me.”
Having recently published his first new novel in 16 years – the brilliant time-travel adventure If Only – the Hungarian-born author tells me that the cultural shift we’re witnessing today, away from the idolatry of youth and toward an appreciation of older women, is one to be celebrated.
And a celebration – of a very intimate kind – might be one way of describing what Wendi Deng was pictured doing on Monday with her own 21-year-old Hungarian toyboy on a sun-lounger outside her villa in St Barts. Over the past month, Rupert Murdoch’s 48 year-old ex-wife and model Bertold Zahoran have been enjoying so public and intense a romance that it makes Madonna’s new relationship with another young model, 25-year-old Aboubakar Soumahoro – pictured snuggling up to the 58-year-old singer on the slopes last week – look positively chaste.
But nothing about these reciprocal enchantments comes as any surprise to Vizinczey, whose admiration for older women hasn’t wavered since that first hug all those years ago. In Praise of Older Women tells the amorous recollections of András Vajda, a young Hungarian philosophy professor who embarked on a string of love affairs with older women, a proposition the author encourages, if not the language used to describe it.
“These terms people use nowadays – the ‘toy boys’ Helen Fielding writes about, and the ‘cougars’ – these are ridiculous,” he laments. “There’s this need to label now – why? Because in the end sex is a complete mystery.”
For the past few decades, the idea of “older women” having any kind of sexuality has become culturally taboo – something that prompts Vizinczey to bury his face in his hands. “When I wrote In Praise of Older Women I thought the whole world would understand it. Because, actually, women are sexier than men for so much longer. And I know lots of women who say that sex gets better with age. My wife was a sex fiend until her early seventies!” he whispers of 90-year-old Gloria next door – the older woman, and mother of their three children, he chose to marry 53 years ago.
“After all, you’re more relaxed and less self-conscious as you get older – and you certainly know your body better – so it stands to reason you would be s-e-xier.”
The idea that women should be more worried about ageing than men incenses Vizinczey. “Ridiculous. Look at us!” he laughs. “Men are basically no longer a big deal after the age of 35. And I was so handsome,” he mourns, pointing out a poster of himself as a dashing literary wunderkind – a famous playwright by his early 20s, his works were banned by the Hungarian Communist regime and he ended up in Canada speaking very little English [“but I learned the best way to learn any language – in bed,” he chuckles, “and by the way I was a good student”).
Vizinczey writings have always elicited strong reactions. Despite it being the tenderest ode to the fairer sex, feminists were appalled by In Praise of Older Women when it was first published, while his second book, An Innocent Millionaire wasn’t for the faint-hearted, winning praise from the likes of Graham Greene and Anthony Burgess. If Only is also not without its provocative themes, set as it is in a defiantly unprettified Britain “where there are Christians who hate Muslims and Muslims who hate Christians”. But it also paints a poignant picture of what a truly happy marriage is – something Vizinczey knows more than a little about.
The story of a software company boss who tries to drown himself after being fired but is rescued by a child from outer space and given a second chance at life, If Only manages to blend disparate themes into a single story in much the same way as In Praise of Older Women. – The Daily Telegraph
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